BEAUTIFUL MORNING!!

Sunny, little breeze and almost a hint of warmth! I'm off to Jesmond shortly, leaving Christina in charge of the girls. They'll be happy. They're pretty besotted with her!! Lots of talk on the NUFC boards this morning about the horrendous situation we are in. Just makes depressing reading. Unfortunately I can't stop reading them, in a futile attempt to find ANY hint of comfort and positivity. Can't believe Villa did what they did last night. Why can't WE display the same determination and passion?

HMMM...

... That didn't work then!! Villa 6 - Mackems 1 Don't think I can cope with the stress of the next three weeks. Wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when it's all over.

AND TONIGHT FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY...

... we need to support the Mackems in their game against Villa. Doesn't feel right to be saying it, but Haway Sunderland!!

WIGAN, THE VILE...

... or NUFC. Who's it to be? Listening to Alan Curbishley on SSN this morning, we'd better get ready for the drop! Doesn't see us getting anything from West Ham or Arsenal and thinks our only chance of a win is against QPR. Thing is... ... some of us can't even see THAT happening.

HAS HE GONE YET?

PARDEW? Forget the fact that there are three games left. We are not going to get a point from them anyway. Can't see a goal coming from us at all to be honest. Having no manager would actually make no difference for those games. Hope and pray that other teams at the bottom do worse than us, but accept now that it's highly unlikely and we are rapidly heading to the Championship. We're NUFC we know how it's going to end. Depending on how it ends, appoint someone to take over from the hapless Pardew. Sick and tired of it all.

STARTING TO DREAD...

... matchday. 5.30 kick off today, so a long time to wait in anxious fear and anticipation. Unfortunately we have an emergency delivery to take through to Jesmond this morning. Could have done without it really, but they had a crazy day in Radcliffes yesterday apparently. Haven't talked to James about the pre-match arrangements yet so not sure what time we're going through, but I need to do some baking before we go!!

STRESSFUL START TO THE DAY!

Not sure why really. Possibly because Christina is going to begin moving her things out of Tim's place today and she may be feeling worried about how that is likely to go, but we've all got caught up in the tension and it hasn't been a good way to start the day. Anyway, she and her dad went off to do the Radcliffes delivery this morning and will call into the farm on the way back presumably. I think I might go off and do some shopping before they get back!!!

HOTTEST...

... DAY OF THE YEAR APPARENTLY. Would've thought it? 10C Wow! Better get the tee shirts and shorts ready!!

SO LIVERPOOL...

... think a ten game ban for Suarez is excessive do they? Brendan Rogers has just been on SSN saying that the lad "is working hard to curb his natural instincts'!! What?? So his natural instinct is to bite someone is it? Shouldn't just be a ten match ban, he should be locked up. (Although I have to say, Dannymatt's idea of the players from the opposition lining up to give IM a little bite instead of the customary handshake at the start of a match was a brilliant one!!)

MISERABLE MORNING!

Grey, chilly, damp - no at all pleasant. I should imagine the south of the country is basking in near Mediterranean temperatures today, but not us!! Got to do a delivery in Morpeth first thing, then it's off to the wholesalers, bit of shopping, back home to get Centurions order completed and to make more quiche... ... and then with luck I might have time to make a meal for Hannah, James and Claire who are all coming round this evening.

MIGHT NEED TO WATCH...

... 'Broadchurch'! From all the comments last night as the final episode aired, it appears to have been pretty addictive viewing. We've recorded it, but are still wrapped up in our "Spooks" marathon, so will save it up for the sad day when we get to the end of series ten!

CHRISTINA AND I ...

... are going to a fashion show at Bar Luga this evening. I'd completely forgotten about it until she reminded me this morning. Should be a good evening and will be interesting for Christina as she is organising a charity fashion event at Alnwick gardens in September, so she'll be keen to see how they organise it. The rest of the day really needs to focus on shopping and baking. Ha ha - it WAS going to be a week off, had my surgery gone ahead, but that's not going to happen now. Radcliffes should be okay till the end of the week, but centurion will need their regular Thursday delivery, so I'll start getting that ready today.

SO, INGRAM VALLEY IT WAS THEN!

After a bit of discussion, Ingram emerged as favourite for the walk this afternoon. Mind you it was blowing a gale up there today. Beautiful but blustery. The girls had a great time running around investigating everything and probably covering double the distance that the rest of us walked. Ended up at the Village Inn for a very late lunch, then returned home feeling extremely sleepy after an eventful, fun-packed weekend. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

JUST WAITING...

... for Helen and Bill, the we're taking the dogs for a walk and hopefully finding an accommodating pub somewhere for a light lunch! Low Newton has been mentioned, as have Ingram and Rothbury. Wonder where we'll end up! (Lily is so fed up of waiting she's just thrown herself on the floor in disgust!!)

ADRIANOS LAST NIGHT!!

What a brilliant evening we had. Ten of us went and just laughed all night, with occasional pauses to cram some delicious food down our throats. Loved it. Especially loved the disclosure that my brother-in-law was in fact wearing my sister's jeans!! Long story!!

THAT SENSE OF DREAD...

... when you know that Newcastle have got to win their next match! I shall make sure I'm well away from any match coverage this afternoon. Still haven't forgiven them for last weekend. #cantbearthestress

BACK HOME

No surgery. Wasn't even part of the plan apparently, so how on earth did I think it was? More nerve tests to be done at the freeman, then back to RVI in mid-June. In the meantime I've got a right hand that I could cheerfully cut off myself, that keeps me awake every night and that painkillers don't even touch. Managed to lose the plot a bit when I was told I would have to wait for surgery and ended up in tears. Went round to Radcliffes to explain that I'd mislead them, and they were nice to me so I cried some more. Now home, nothing to do... ...apart from the GARDENING. Come on Charles, it's a nice day, let's make a start. (Bet he wishes I had my arm in that sling now!!)

RVI...

... here I come!! This hand has had me awake for too many nights. Can't wait to get rid of all this discomfort. We'll be crammed into the car around the delivery this morning. Charles is dropping me at the hospital, going off to Kevin's, then returning to collect me. Hopefully it'll all be over pretty quickly and I can get home asap. Looking forward to a few quiet days!!

JUST ABOUT...

... got everything organised for the coffee shop next week. At last, Kevin has purchased a freezer - it's only taken 18 months - and we are going to fill it tomorrow!! I've just got three quiche to take out of the oven and then it's all done and I get the best part of a week off!! Yay! Pity I've got to have my hand done in order to get a few days off though!!

LOOK WHAT I'VE JUST FOUND!!

She likes a nest does Lily!!

THINK I'VE BEEN IN SHOCK...

... for the last couple of days!! Thanks Newcastle. Anyway, now it's time to pull myself together and to get organised before the little bit of surgery on Friday. I'm trying to double up on all deliveries so that no one runs out of supplies next week. Bit of a challenge, but it'll be worth it for peace of mind. I'm just having a little chuckle at the girls, who spent all day outside in the sun yesterday and then proceeded to sleep all the way through the night AND are still flat out even now!! All that fresh air must have really taken it out of them!! Right, no time to sit around here. I need to make a start on carrot cakes, lemon drizzles, loads of quiche, bakewells and brownies...

HEY HO!!

Monday morning. Charles has gone to work. Christina's still in bed. I'm getting ready to do two deliveries. The sun's out and it's a little bit warmer, but blowing a gale. The girls are enjoying the bit of sun and sitting outside on the step, soaking it up. I still feel totally gutted about yesterday. And that, in a nutshell, is where I am right now.

STILL SO ANGRY!

Feel so let down. There I was having a sleepless night with the excitement of Derby Day ahead, only for my team to just not bother to turn up really. I've been angry ever since it ended, crashing around in the kitchen. Poor old Christina said she thought there would be cakes flying across the room at one point. Sorry Christina. I just expected the players to be up for a fight - and they weren't - and it makes me mad!

SMARTING!!

Nothing else to say!

ANYONE UP??

It's derby Day for goodness sake. Get out of bed and get excited and terrified in equal measures. I don't want to be the only one!!

HAVING A FAIRLY...

... relaxed day today really. Just a little bit of baking in readiness for Monday, but don't need to even think about an evening meal as we're having a takeaway with Helen and Bill who are even going to pick it up on their way here!! Starting to get a bit nervous and very excited about Derby Day tomorrow. I love it AND hate it!! I think we'll be going through to town at about 10.00 to get parked and have brunch before kick off at 12.00. HWTL!!!

THIS TIME...

... next week I'll have had the little operation on my right hand. I've been doing a bit of reading about it today and am not too thrilled about the recovery process, especially the time it's probably going to take for the hand to recover. It occurred to me earlier that it may just be possible to make some of the coffee shop products, but I may not be able to actually deliver the stuff as I won't be able to drive for a few days. I'm not going to like this am I?

GREAT DAY REALLY!

I know we ended up getting knocked out of the Europa thingy, but I thought the match was really good. It was especially great to see Ben Arfa again. Just got to make sure we win on Sunday now though!! Had the usual brilliant meal at Fujiyamas, but Helen and Bill ended up missing it because they really couldn't find anywhere to park which was a shame. The rest of us thoroughly enjoyed our meal though, even though it was devoured in record time! Looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow. Might need to do a little baking but not too much so it should be a fairly relaxed day. Great, I could do with it!!

OFF TO THE MATCH!!

Going through early. Paul's driven up from Brackley this morning. James has had an early finish from work. We're setting off at about 3.30. Meet James, get into town, have a little mooch around the shops, get to Fujiyamas for 6.30 then on to SJP for the kick off at the rather strange time of 8.05!! Not too hopeful about the score tonight to be honest, but there should be a pretty good atmosphere and I just hope we play with the conviction we showed in the second half against Fulham. Oh, forgot to mention... ... It's Claire's first NUFC match ...We're meeting up with her Dad, sister and sister's boyfriend ... Helen, Bill, Rachel, James and Hannah are joining us at Fujiyamas - but only Hannah from that group is coming to the match! ... Christina is looking after the girls, although I suspect that Tim may come round for a while this evening.

BOOK STACK FINISHED!!

I think I can put a preview on here. Don't think Annie or any of her family read the blog. So here it is!!

AND THE UPSHOT IS...

... there is absolutely nothing the Mental Health Team are prepared to share with us to help us to support Christina in her struggle with Bipolar 1. Nothing apart from putting us in touch with support groups. You cannot imagine what this feels like. Not only were we promised round the clock support when she left hospital. but we were assured that we would be involved fully in the care plan. NONE OF THAT HAS HAPPENED, NOR IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN. Basically we've just got to let her "get on with it" regardless of our concerns that she is slipping closer and closer to a relapse. The stress is becoming unbearable and this news today has just topped the lot. I'm totally sick of feeling so helpless.

WE'VE HAD A SPRINKLING OF SNOW...

... overnight. Lovely in April. It's so bitterly cold I'm wearing three layers and am still not warm. Christina and I are going into Morpeth shortly with a delivery for Applebys and to do some shopping. After that it's back to baking, which I'm quite looking forward to to be honest because at least it'll be warm!!

MAGGIE THATCHER DEAD!

I can only hope that she doesn't end up anywhere near my dear old Dad. Not that it's likely as he is almost certainly in heaven.

COFFEE CAKE...

... in the oven already. Sells fab!! Busy day with orders today. AND i need to go shopping for ingredients while Charles does the Radcliffes delivery. But first there is the small matter of making another phonecall to the Mental Health Team. I'll let you know how that goes later!

BACK FROM THE GAME!!

WOW! The tension was indescribable, but I thought that once we settled down, we fought pretty hard today, especially in the second half. Amazing 93rd minute goal. We're getting a bit of a name for ourselves as far as added-time winners are concerned!! Have just finished off the hotpot from yesterday and feel absolutely stuffed. MUST get back on the diets again this week!!

SO AT THE END OF THE WEEK...

... we have had absolutely NO contact from the Mental Health Team following my tearful pleading earlier in the week. Had a worried sister on the phone earlier saying she'd had a phonecall from Christina and that it hadn't been good, reminding her of the days before she was in hospital. Strangely, or maybe not, Christina has chosen to go out with Tim tonight and isn't intending to get back here until tomorrow. This is the Tim that she dumped earlier in the week. It's almost certainly a case of absenting herself from the situation at home because she knows that we are all too aware of her deteriorating mental health. Of course, there's no one available to talk to now as it's the weekend and you can't be mentally unwell unless it's during normal working hours, but come Monday morning...

JUST NEED TO SAY...

... I'm a bit worried about Rose. Since she came back from the groomers on Thursday she's been doing this weird thing of dropping her back end all the time and she's moving quite gingerley. Everyone says she's fine, but I know she's actually not. She's eating okay and isn't wincing when she's touched, but her movement is absolutely not normal. If there's no change by Monday we'll be taking her to the vet.

LONG, LONG DAY!

But actually, a lovely one. We've been to Yorkshire to celebrate Mum's birthday. James and Claire were there. We had a lovely lunch with Helen and Mum, then later in the afternoon rachel and Hannah turned up after wedding dress shopping. This evening Nigel and Julie arrived with our niece, Amy. So a good catch up all round. Great to see everyone. Had lovely snuggles with the girls in the car on the way there and back!!

STARTING THE PREP...

... for the book stack cake. Guess what the top book will be!! Not too happy with the cover painting yet, but I'm sure it'll get there by the time I'm finished!!

CHARLES HAS...

... taken the girls over to Shilbottle for their haircut. I WAS going to go with him - honestly - but just wasn't quite ready in time. So now I don't have to witness their distress when they realise where they're going. When he gets back, we need to swap cars and take two deliveries over to Jesmond and Newcastle and then it's back home via Morpeth (shopping and hairdressers for ME!) and Shilbottle to pick up the girls. I'm going to spend the afternoon baking carrot cakes, quiche and painting the cover of one of the Harry Potter books. This could be a complete disaster!!! (The painting, not the baking)

HOW HAS IT GOT TO...

...8pm and I'm only just sitting down to write the blog? I honestly don't know where the day has gone. It's been a mixture of shopping, going for coffee with Christina, bumping into Sean, making up two orders ready to go out tomorrow to Radcliffes and Centurion, starting work on the book stack cake (Very slow progress unfortunately), starting to replace everything that's going out tomorrow, making a tiny little birthday cake for my Mum cos we're going to see her on Friday, the day before her Big Day... ... Trying hard not to think about the girls going to the hairdressers tomorrow because they hate it so much!! Lily put the anchors on as soon as we start walking up the path and she trembles while she's waiting. Rose is actually a bit braver, but only a bit. Apparently they're fine as soon as we've gone. Funny, I can clearly remember saying exactly that to the parents of my reception kids!!! Time to collapse in front of the telly now. The new series of Scott and Bailey starts tonight. Hooray!!

STRESS LEVELS STILL HIGH HERE!

So much so that I rang the mental health team this morning and literally sobbed down the phone. Fortunately I was able to get them to understand that we do in fact need help and that it is up to their team to sort it out. I felt as though I was actually listened to, although I'm a little surprised that nobody has got back to me during the day. Hmmm... We've broken the tension a little by going to Gosforth for coffee with Helen. I've also been busy making Harry Potter this afternoon to go on the top of a cake next week. So we have managed to function today, just feel like we're treading on eggshells all the time. Not good.

WENT OUT WITH HELEN TODAY...

... nowhere exciting, just into Morpeth and to Heighley Gate, but stopping for coffee and treats and doing lots of chatting. Had a really lovely time actually. And then I came home to find that Christina and her Dad had had a major fallout and you could still cut the air with a knife. We now seem to have a stand off situation with Christina taking refuge in her room and us alternately seething and feeling helpless. In the morning I am going to try to find out WHO CARES FOR THE CARERS??? Who is going to help us before we fall apart?