A BIT LATE TO BE BLOGGING!

But there you go! It's been a busy day!

Having said that, I can't think of much of any significance that's happened, but what ever I've been doing, I haven't stopped all day!!

Had a lovely evening with James and Claire who came round for dinner. Hopefully we'll be seeing them again on Monday when we're planning to go to the Northumberland Arms for lunch. Yum!!

Yet another week has almost passed in the House Saga. It would be nice to hear something tomorrow about where we all are, although I'm guessing we're not much further on from where we were last week. (Does that even make sense? Probably not, but it just demonstrates the huge frustration we are still suffering.)

Nigel Farage is holding court now. I don't think I an bear it. Might need an early night.

NO HOUSE NEWS TODAY!

Nothing at all.

Mind you, I've had a couple of properties sent through to my email, in Kenton and Gosforth this time. One in particular looks fab. Maybe if our sellers do get fed up with us, it would be worth having a look! I've sent it to Charles to look at on the train on his way home!

THE MOST INTERESTING THING...

... About last night's fairly tame Dispatches about the Secrets of Sports Direct, was the immediate reaction of NUFC!

Within minutes of the end of the programme they were tweeting about the inaccuracy of the content in relation to Newcastle United and bemoaning the fact that nobody from Channel 4 had spoken to them.

I find this absolutely hilarious.

Like they would have agreed to talk.

Like it doesn't tell all of us EXACTLY what their priority is. And it certainly isn't the football club.

Whats more, there is to be a further announcement today. Almost certainly there will be some threat of legal action, Simon Bird will find that he is no longer welcome anywhere near the club and the party line will be trotted out yet again.

Let's try and think about the last time the club made a public announcement about the state of the actual football...

...

...

...

DISAPPOINTING!

That Sports Direct documentary was a total waste of time. I don't believe we learned anything we didn't already know.

NOTHING MUCH HAPPENING TODAY!

Tiny bit of movement on the house front,  but nothing really significant.

Just waiting for Channel 4's Dispatches at 8pm, all about the Secrets of Sports Direct.this could be interesting! Who knows, Mike Ashley might be Mr Beneficial Benefactor for all we know.

HAD A TERRIBLE SLEEP...

... probably mostly because of the horror show that unfolded yesterday afternoon at SJP and the fact that, despite what I say, I DO still care. I couldn't get the lethargy of our players, that was even evident during the warm up, out of my head PLUS  the possible ramifications of losing ALL the remaining games which is beginning to,look more than likely.

How I hope that someone at the club is having similarly sleepless nights.

The other factor in the 'Can't sleep, won't sleep' game is, of course, the house sale, which MAY be going ahead (AND the purchase too if I'm honest, because we still haven't plucked up the courage to have the awkward conversation with our sellers about hoping they can wait even longer.) So far as the sale is concerned, we are doing everything we possibly can to speed things up and to make sure everyone is happy, but we will only be able to relax once exchange takes place. Until then the horror of uncertainty must continue.

Have spent all afternoon watching footie. A couple of good matches. No emotional attachment. Just the luxury of being able to appreciate some skillful play and to witness some real effort for a change.

Charles is off to a Graham Parker gig this evening, leaving me to fend for myself with Vera and Poldark. I'm not sure how I'll cope!

CATCH 22

Thats what we've got today.

If we support the team by going to the match are we condoning the actions of Ashley and, through our passivity accepting his appalling stewardship of our club?

Or, if we boycott and protest, are we adding to the perceived collective lack of confidence suffered by our team and condemning them to yet another defeat before they've even set foot on the field?

That is fundamentally the Hobson's Choice that Mike Ashley has gifted to NUFC fans.

And, like most NUFC fans, I have to say my heart isn't in it any more, but that it is instead choked, strangled and decimated into a thousand black and white fragments.

NUFC is dead. Long live NUFC.

ITS JUST POSSIBLE...

... that there might be a glimmer of light in the ongoing sorry saga of our house sale.

I won't say more than that at this point.

24th APRIL!!

And were going to try very hard not to think about what we could have been doing today.

At some point I need to speak to the people we were supposed to be buying from. So far, other than knowing it's not happening today obviously, I don't know that they are fully aware of how things stand. Considering the urgency they had to move out, I can't see this conversation being easy and I've had to leave it this long in order to attempt to talk about it without dissolving into tears.

The cowardly part of me just wants to send a text. But deep down I know that it would be better for them if we talked.

For now though, I just want to pretend that none of this ever happened. 

I'm beginning to feel quite guilt-ridden because the whole idea of moving to Newcastle was mine. I was the one who did all the pushing. Charles would have been perfectly happy to stay here for the rest of our lives. I feel responsible for bringing masses of additional stress into our lives when we really didn't need it.

SO, A WEEK ON...

... from the day that changed everything, and I still feel as though the wind's been knocked from my sails. Partly that could be the after effects of the cold I suppose, but physically I find myself short of breath at times, with a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach and the tears are there constantly.

We should have been moving out tomorrow.

Instead we're living in a house that's half packed up. Things aren't in the right place. It all feels wrong.

Anyone who knows me will know just how stressful that is for me. I'm not sure that I can leave it like this. I need to get some semblance of  normality back and that can only come from unpacking and returning stuff to the loft, so that I can try to create some sense of order out of the chaos.

It might even feel, as things have been packed up for such a long time now, like a new house!! (Almost along the lines of a long-injured player returning to the NUFC squad...Hey, it's like we've got a new player...or maybe not)

The trouble is, every time I go and attempt to make a start I just feel overwhelmed. And that is so not like me.

AND JUST AS I FINISH WRITING, THE CALENDAR REMINDER ON THE I PAD PINGS WITH ITS SAD LITTLE REMINDER...

...MOVING DAY TOMORROW...

BETTER ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!

The weather, that is.

Going to break in time for the weekend though.

Charles is up and out already. He's got Centurion, his Mum, the dentist and a few other bits to do today, including signing the final death warrant for the RAV, which has been holed up in Dennis Common's garage (well probably at the very back, out of sight of prospective customers) for a week. Apparently it would cost almost as much to repair it as we paid for it, so clearly that's not going to happen.

(Mind you, I've just thought, if we are still going to be here in the winter I may well be swapping the Mazda for something a little less sporty, because the RAV was always my car of choice if the road conditions were a bit dodgy. Aaaargh. I really don't want to have to think about that.)

My day, is less busy than Charles and is the usual combination of hair at SAKs, bit of shopping, maybe coffee, then back home to pace about because I have nothing more productive to be doing. Who would have thought, this time last week, that we would be in this position?

TOP DOWN...

... LOOKING THE PART!

Or a slight variation on that theme, if you are my son!

A perfect day for MX5 motoring. If Charles had been here, I would have suggested we drive round to the ice cream farm, but it didn't feel right to go without him (bit sad going for ice cream on your own!)  so maybe we'll go later in the week when he's back from Brum, if the weather holds up.

Instead, the girls and I have been for our second walk of the day. Lovely, relaxed saunter round the back lane. No need to hurry back for anything. Nothing to do but enjoy the sun.

Actually can't do very much at all these days. Foolishly, I had de-registered the kitchen so have turned down a few cake orders during the past couple of weeks. Maybe I need to get it reinstated again, otherwise I'm going to be in a right mess, especially as I have wedding cakes coming up. Need to get myself sorted out...

WHAT A PERFECT MORNING!!

a day to forget the disappointment of last week and just enjoy being in Fram on a sunny, warm day.
I've just got back from taking the girls out for their first walk - no jacket needed, not even a cardigan!! There were so many people out just enjoying the weather. The morning had that 'summer sound' if you know what I mean. Just need someone to start mowing the lawn and it will be complete - and will even smell like summer too.

Honestly, I've never really thought about it before, but a morning like this really does make you feel better - and certainly makes me appreciate the beauty of where we live!!

Might have a day in the garden. Sitting, not working. My back's still not ready for gardening!!

THE THING ABOUT HAVING CLOSED THE BLOG...

... even temporarily, is that now there's probably nobody aware that I'm writing posts again. I don't mind this one bit. There are many occasions in the house when I talk to myself, so this just feels like the written equivalent.

Charles is on his way to Birmingham, having changed his working days for the next couple of weeks when we thought we might be moving. We've spent the last few days cancelling the removals company, the cleaners and all the tradespeople we had booked for next week. We were so foolish and certainly feel it now.

And yet, looking out of the kitchen window, out across the garden towards the Simonside hills, bathed in sunlight, I have to say there can't be many better places to wake up in a morning. And if we need to find a bright side to look on, maybe that is it.

SINCE THURSDAY EVENING...

... I haven't written the blog.

It's a nothing sort of blog anyway.

It just started as a little diary about Lily and Rose and then, it got to the point of... 'Today I let the dogs out, then let them in. Let them out and let them...' Remember?

It had no significance, no importance really to anyone other than very close family and friends who understand the banality of my retired life and who check in from time to time just to be sure that nothing has in anyway upset the equilibrium.

Nothing ever does really.

The blog morphed from dogs to cakes at some point. I can't remember when, but, the thing about a blog is, you can look back and it'll be there. When it happened, how it occurred.

It's just a bit of a diary, that's all.

I'm always really careful about how I write what I write. I very rarely use profanities, I try to write as if I wouldn't mind my Mum reading it, although she would probably consider me self-indulgent for writing about myself anyway!

I try not to upset anybody, although God know there have been times when I have been crying out for help, guidance, support, someone to take away the problems of fragile mental health that have affected our family life for so long...

...but I try to gloss over the surface of stuff. Note it, but don't dwell on it. Don't upset anyone with my words.

Of course, latterly the blog has been all about moving house and the equal degrees of excitement and frustration that went along with that. How sickening it must have been for anyone who happened to read it! I'm sorry but we had hopes and dreams. Oh how I wish I hadn't shared them now.

Because, in writing about my devastation when everything went wrong, I upset someone. My diary, my words, upset someone else.

So I stopped it.

I wouldn't write any more. I wouldn't miss it. No one who read the blog would miss it either, because lets face it, there was nothing to miss. 'Went shopping, made quiche, had hair done...' Well whoopie
do. Who actually cares?

Read something else. Something of interest, purpose, challenge, intrigue...

Not a sad little blog that only really matters to me.

But the thing is, for all its banality, it's insignificance, it's futility and its simplicity, it was MY blog. It was about me and my little life. It was about our little ups and downs...

...and although it's only a few days since I wrote a post, I missed it. When I caught myself thinking about it this morning I realised that the only person who is really suffering by my decision not to write - is ME.

THIS BLOG...

...will be temporarily suspended until further notice.

STILL THAT OMINOUS SILENCE!!

Might be just totally paranoid now, may be reading too much into everything, but, although the estate agent did say that everything was still okay for a next Friday completion, we haven't heard a dickey bird from our solicitor all week, and our buyers, the Jenkins, have gone strangely silent too.

Thank goodness I've had to spend the last two days in the kitchen working on the Centurion order, because without that to occupy me, I think I would be right round the bend and meeting myself coming back by now.

Really, really looking forward to a meal at Char Mausum with James this evening. It's agessince we ate there and, now that I'm just about over the worst of the bug, I will probably be able to polish off a good old helping of curry. Charles, on the other hand, is just starting out on his journey through the joys of  coughs, sneezes, sore throats, headaches, high temperatures, aches and pains, so he may not enjoy it as much as I will.

IS THIS GOING TO BE...

... another day of deafening silence from our solicitor?

We have GOT to hear something soon, otherwise our moving date of 24th just isn't going to be achievable. We need to get the deposit paid for the removals company. I know Charles is reluctant to do this without being 100% sure, but we're going to have to bite the bullet, get it paid, let them bring the packing boxes and then we can make a start on packing up and if the date falls through, surely the deposit will be carried onto the rearranged date?

We need to talk to them this morning.

My main job today, though, is to make 20 quiche for Centurion. Seriously, there's no way I'll get that many done. I'll just have to do what I can.

Okay. Fingers crossed something gets sorted today!

STILL FEELING RUBBISH!

I never, ever lie around all day doing nothing, but right now, that's all I want to do. Can't face anything to eat because I cat taste anything. The only thing I've managed, oddly, has been a couple of cream crackers smeared with butter. That's it.
I'm certainly coughing less and no longer running a temperature, so that's a huge improvement. Just want it to clear off smartish, especially as there's a chance that we might have a busy week ahead of us!
I just pray that Charles doesn't get it, because it would be completely the wrong time!!

No surprises about the match last night. Didn't watch it, but did watch the postmortem and Carver's interview in which he claimed we played okay. Clearly I can make no comment, not having watched it, but from everything I've read it would appear he is becoming more deluded with each passing day.

ON THE MEND!

Still coughing a fair bit, but nothing like before. Ribcage is more comfortable, the back pain is merely a shadow of what it was.

Still can't taste anything, so I'm not really fancying much to eat.

Charles is down in Birmingham, getting back tomorrow. I think he's going to do the same two days next week and then, HOPEFULLY, FINGERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE CROSSED, the following week will be the week we've moved to Fenham and I think the plan is for him to go for Thursday and Friday.

Today, we've made sure that the removals company can move us on 24th and 25th. We haven't heard anything about exchange of contracts, and if I don't hear anything tomorrow, I WILL be on the phone to our solicitor, but I thought he would appreciate a day off from being nagged today!

Okay, just about to settle down to an evening of doing very little and avoiding any coverage whatsoever of the football!

MIGHT HAVE PASSED THE WORST!

Coughing only kept me awake a few times in the night. Although im still sore, it's nothing like as bad as yesterday.

Looking forward to coffee and ice creams at the Ice Bar in Morpeth in a while. Hopefully, going to meet up with James and Claire there.

Just noticed that Lily seems to have a bit of an irritable ear this morning. I've cleaned it out with olive oil which seems to have helped a lot and she's not scratching at the moment. We've ordered some drops that should arrive tomorrow.

ITS LOOKING...

... increasingly likely that we will be moving on 24th April.

It may not happen the way I have really wanted it to happen, but from discussions today I think we will be aiming to be leaving Fram by 2pm.

Still need exchange and completion to happen of course, and, knowing how painfully slow the rest of the process has been, I could be getting a bit ahead of myself!

THE RAV IS DEAD...

... LONG LIVE THE MX5

(At least it helps with the parking issue when we move!)

BACK HOME.

although it was so nice to get away for the day and to catch up with Helen and Bill, it has actually been pretty stressful. We had two house-related phone calls to deal with during the day. Nothing too bad, just a bit annoying that we'd deliberately taken the day off from house stuff!
The girls were really horrid to little Bentley, who only wanted to play and couldn't understand that they didn't. This has got me a little worried about the weekend at the end of May when we are in Madrid. Helen and Bill are looking after the girls and I just hope they are going to be better behaved than they were today. Bentley is still just a puppy, but he's very bouncy and persistent. He also doesn't know how to read Lily's signs yet. Maybe, in a few weeks time, he'll have a better understanding. If not, we may have to make alternative arrangements.
Saw Mum who is looking very frail and who is quite concerned about her own health. She never really goes to the doctor, and when she does she pretends she's okay, but she has a pretty lengthy list that she's going to take along to her appointment tomorrow. Fortunately, Helen is going to try to go with her, so there's no way she'll be able to pretend there's nothing wrong.
We had a lovely walk around Ilkley with Helen and Bill and the three dogs. It was so gloriously sunny that the riverbank was crowded with sunbathers and the kids were all paddling! Who would have imagined that a fortnight ago?
I feel as though I've eaten all day, succumbing to fish and chips at lunchtime, followed by a Betty's tea with Mum only a couple of hours later!!

GLORIOUS DAY!!

Warm and sunny, just a hint of breeze. Fabulous.

Not a day to be sitting in the house nursing a sore throat and knackered back!

But, sadly, that is exactly what I'm doing right now. I going to attempt to get into Morepth later for my hair appointment, although how I going to manage to lean over thebasin I have no idea!!

I'm desperate for the sore throat to clear up ASAP because we're going to Yorkshire tomorrow and I won't want to risk passing it onto my frail little Mum.

House news? Another proposed date from our sellers. Some further paperwork to find... And so it goes on.

FLAT BED TRUCK...

... Was at the end of the drive at 9.00 this morning. All the old garden furniture, tables, sun loungers and two BBQs have now made the journey to the council tip.

The garden's beginning to look really smart and tidy!

On another note - I'm feeling lousy today. No sleep thanks to a really sore throat. Slipped in the shower this morning and put my back out. Taking too many painkillers so feeling sick. Mind you I've just found a freeze-gel painkiller that seems to be helping. Mind you it smells so bad, I think that might make me sick too.

BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY...

... And the sun's been shining all day! What on earth is going on?

Also, it's my Mum's Birthday and the anniversary of the day we had the Service of Thanksgiving for Dad. We'll be seeing Mum later this week and we'll celebrate her birthday properly. As for Dad, no one can imagine how much I miss him. I think of him every single day and the smallest, seemingly insignificant little things remind me of him. It's nine years now, and I know we really lost him before that, but if I shut my eyes I can still see his twinkling back at me and can hear his amused chuckle when one of his grandchildren did something to amuse him.

Sorry, I'm a bit tearful today.

NOT WATCHING IT!!

the Derby. Am I the same room as the telly, the noise and the family, who ARE watching it, but I can't bear it, I'm afraid.

HAVE JUST DISCOVERED...

... That my long-estranged cousin, Deborah, is married to Tom Sutcliffe, journalist and presenter of BBC Radio 4's arts show, Saturday Review.

Who knew?

Obviously, not me!

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!

Here I am, on EASTER Saturday morning, stuck in the house waiting for the post to arrive with a package that presumably I need to sign for. Charles has been out for hours and probably won't be back for hours either. I want to go shopping, but need to wait in.

Getting just a tad frustrated and amusing myself by looking at houses on Rightmove in case our purchase falls through. Found some smashers in Whitley Bay...

I HONESTLY GIVE UP!

So it would appear that people only buy and sell houses IF they are prepared to take on the work of the conveyancers and estate agents and coordinate it all.

I have never, ever felt so helpless and out of control. We seem to be in the hands of a bunch of incompetents, who are dancing to the tune of one woman who keeps moving goalposts and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it at all.

Not being alarmist or over-reacting here, but I would say that the chances of us actually moving to Nuns Moor Road are hanging in the balance now.

We have spent the last few hours ringing and emailing our solicitor, our sellers estate agent and our  estate agent. Last night I was told our seller wanted completion by 24th. Earlier in the day she wanted it by TODAY. and now she want it by next Tuesday - after a Bank Holiday. The woman is clearly deluded about how the process works.

I can honestly say that I never, ever want to go through this again.

GOING...

... to get my hair done.

Take my mind off moving, which won't be until the weekend of 24th April now.

BACK FROM OUR SOLICITORS!

Can't actually see us moving next week now.

It's our buyer's solicitors who are holding things up allegedly - our guy says he can't get hold of them, so he's had strict instructions to try again and again and to get in touch with their estate agent as well. Our sellers want us to complete by tomorrow. Well there's no way that's happening. That means we won't be moving until at least 20th April as they are going to be away on holiday.

It's not really an issue. I've exchanged emails with our buyers, who are similarly frustrated. We just need to all keep on at our conveyancers.