SINCE THURSDAY EVENING...

... I haven't written the blog.

It's a nothing sort of blog anyway.

It just started as a little diary about Lily and Rose and then, it got to the point of... 'Today I let the dogs out, then let them in. Let them out and let them...' Remember?

It had no significance, no importance really to anyone other than very close family and friends who understand the banality of my retired life and who check in from time to time just to be sure that nothing has in anyway upset the equilibrium.

Nothing ever does really.

The blog morphed from dogs to cakes at some point. I can't remember when, but, the thing about a blog is, you can look back and it'll be there. When it happened, how it occurred.

It's just a bit of a diary, that's all.

I'm always really careful about how I write what I write. I very rarely use profanities, I try to write as if I wouldn't mind my Mum reading it, although she would probably consider me self-indulgent for writing about myself anyway!

I try not to upset anybody, although God know there have been times when I have been crying out for help, guidance, support, someone to take away the problems of fragile mental health that have affected our family life for so long...

...but I try to gloss over the surface of stuff. Note it, but don't dwell on it. Don't upset anyone with my words.

Of course, latterly the blog has been all about moving house and the equal degrees of excitement and frustration that went along with that. How sickening it must have been for anyone who happened to read it! I'm sorry but we had hopes and dreams. Oh how I wish I hadn't shared them now.

Because, in writing about my devastation when everything went wrong, I upset someone. My diary, my words, upset someone else.

So I stopped it.

I wouldn't write any more. I wouldn't miss it. No one who read the blog would miss it either, because lets face it, there was nothing to miss. 'Went shopping, made quiche, had hair done...' Well whoopie
do. Who actually cares?

Read something else. Something of interest, purpose, challenge, intrigue...

Not a sad little blog that only really matters to me.

But the thing is, for all its banality, it's insignificance, it's futility and its simplicity, it was MY blog. It was about me and my little life. It was about our little ups and downs...

...and although it's only a few days since I wrote a post, I missed it. When I caught myself thinking about it this morning I realised that the only person who is really suffering by my decision not to write - is ME.